Defining "Love"

ME

I am not good at showing love. A lot of the time that I find myself showing love, it is reciprocated love. It wasn’t something that came from me originally, but instead was something that I felt like I needed to do because someone else did for me. Like me and my wife will ask each other “are we getting each other stuff for valentines day” or “our anniversary” things like that, because we don’t want the other to get us something and not be able to give them something back. I don’t being in ‘debt’ with someone else. Essentially, I don’t like feeling like I owe someone something.

One year in high school, I had saved up some money (and trust me, that was a really rare thing). And I went out shopping and was able to buy like everyone in my family (cousins, aunts and uncles, all kinds of people in my family) Christmas presents. I was so excited to find out what they wanted and what they liked. But the more and more I got stuff for people, the more that I realized it wasn’t about them. It was about me. I wanted them to think I was so awesome for getting this gift. I wanted them to say “THIS IS THE BEST!!” Not because I wanted them to be happy, but I wanted them to equate me with happiness.

WE

And to a degree, I think we all do that. We want others to deserve our love and attention, it isn’t just given out to anyone or anything that desires it. But our love is earned, it is respected and it is cherished. I think, to a degree, more people are stingy with their love than they are generous with it.

GOD

There are tons of areas we could go to look at the topic of love in Scripture. Even something like Christ’s love is found in many, many different books or about loving others, but today we will be in I John 3 looking at not only Christ’s love, but loving others and it being sacrificial.

So, what do we know about the book of 1st John. Well, there is a little bit of debate on who it was written by (some say John, some date it too late to be John so some think that it was a follower of John or someone that learned from John. But, it is attributed to John, the same John who wrote the Gospel of John, also the other two letters that follow this one, and Revelation. So, what do we know about John? Well, one thing is that John was one of Jesus’ disciples. John was also the disciple that talked about love the most (and being the ‘beloved’ disciple) and has one the most famous Bible verses about love: John 3:16. But, we will talk about how that ties in later, let’s look at I John 3:11-12.

1 John 3:11–12 (ESV)

For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.

Now, I don’t know if anything jumps out at you like it does me in this passage, but does it seem like it is pretty random for John to just bring up Cain in the middle of this passage? The more I thought about this, John is using a parallel, just like Jesus used the parallel because just like Cain hated his brother because Cain was evil and Abel was righteous! Look how it continues:

1 John 3:13–15 (ESV)

Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you. We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

This passage echoes the words of Jesus that John records in his gospel in the 15th chapter:

John 15:18–19 (ESV)

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

You can see the echoes of that same thought here. But, in our passage, an example is used: Cain and Abel. And John uses Cain and Abel to compare us to the world, because Cain hated Abel because Cain was evil and Abel was righteous. Therefore, we should be righteous and thus hated by the world. But, this is also very important for us to see in this passage too and I think a lot of times that it doesn’t mention Abel hating Cain because Cain was evil. Just Cain hating Abel because Cain was evil. We are not called to hate the world, or our enemies or those that persecute us. We are instead called to love them. John clearly tells us to love others because “Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer” right? We should not hate anyone. This also has some gospel reflections back from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:

Matthew 5:21–22 ESV

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

What does all of this stuff mean anyway? Well, I think it shows us a couple things. 1 - John was very familiar with Jesus’ teaching (especially Jesus’ teaching on love and compassion)

2 - There had to be misconceptions about loving others (Jesus talked about it, John talks about it, other writers had to talk about it)

3 - John had even more to say about love, the definition of love that will change how all of these people who apparently had a misconception or misunderstanding of love view love:

1 John 3:16–18 (ESV)

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

John lays down the definition of love for his readers here. BY THIS, because of what Jesus did, we know what love is. Because Jesus was willing to sacrifice his life, we should be willing to sacrifice our lives for others. Now, what does that mean? Does that mean we should be running around looking for opportunities to save people and sacrifice ourselves for others in situations like that? Not necessarily. If you look at your life, what does it mean to sacrifice your life? Well, the big thing I think of, is sacrificing time. If I give up my time, I am giving up my life. So, if I sacrifice my time for people I am sacrificing my life for people. I only have a limited amount of time here, I don’t know how much time that is, but I am sacrificing it for someone else. Jesus had a limited amount of time here, and He sacrificed it all for us. That is love. Because love is sacrificial. And love is sacrificial in more ways than just time.

We see Jesus sacrifice status for love (think about how others viewed Jesus because of the people He decided to spend time with and show that he cared about them) or think about the times that Jesus told us that he didn’t have somewhere to call home because of His ministry (which was showing love to all of these people when everyone else felt like they were too good, too high and mighty to show these low-life sinners love. Think of those that didn’t show love, and that they would rather stand tall and proud than to be degraded by spending a meal with ‘sinners and tax collectors.’

Jesus showed us, not only through His death what love looks like, but through His life as well. Jesus is the example of what it is like to show love and to live love. That was John’s point.

Then, John illustrates the point in sacrificial love. If you have something that someone else needs, what stands between you and giving that to those who are in need? If you have 2 bagels and someone needs 1 bagel to survive, can you live without an extra bagel so that someone else can survive? And those that are older, no this is not an appeal to socialism or communism. This is saying: Do I care more about someone else’s needs than a bagel. Cut and dry. Simply put. And you can try to argue “well it’s not that simple!” But it is. And I need to hear this message too, I find myself not being sacrificial in love, because we have to remember: THAT IS THE POINT JOHN IS MAKING. Love is sacrificial. We see the sacrificial love of Christ on the cross, and therefore we can show others love by sacrificing as well. Sacrificing our time if we do something for someone, maybe do something we are told to do that we don’t want to do, doing something for someone else instead of doing something for ourselves. And then with John’s other point, giving up a bagel or something someone may NEED, remember this is a need. John isn’t saying if your little brother WANTS a PS5 that you should give up all the money you have saved to do it. You could, and that would be nice, but love is meeting needs.

Now, any of you that might get hung up on saying that John is a socialist and that the Bible is teaching socialism or communism, that is not true. Look at 2 Thessalonians 3:10

2 Thessalonians 3:10 ESV

For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

It isn’t socialism. It is compassion. Meeting a need that someone else cannot meet on their own. If you think back to Jesus’ conversation with the Rich Young Ruler, he had kept all the law, had followed all the commands. Did all the right things. And then Jesus says, “that is awesome. We would love to have you join us on this ministry. Why don’t you go and sell all the things you have and give that money to the poor and those unable to help themselves?” Because back then, if people did not work in some sort of way, they did not eat. Their families did not eat. People went and found jobs, no matter what it was. The only people that could not find jobs were those that required healing in order to work (lepers, crippled, disabled) and that is why those that begged for help, were often found at healing places (such as the pool of Bethesda) or at city gates (where there was a lot of traffic. But, back to the point, the Rich Young Ruler does what? He leaves. He actually leaves and gets really sad. He wanted the approval from Jesus that all he had to do was to follow all these commands. And Jesus said “It is more than following commands. It is love.” And the Rich Young Ruler chose to live his life in luxury than to sacrifice. And that is why he walks away sad. He thought all that he had done was enough to get him into heaven. That is the approval he was searching for from Jesus. But Jesus told him, you have to love, and you have to love sacrificially.

YOU

That is how it worked out for the Rich Young Ruler, but what about you? How does all this talk about love and sacrifice fit for me?

Well, the first thing is to follow Jesus’ example. And yeah, that is hard. You’re not going to be perfect. But seeking to follow Jesus is a lot better than not trying at all.

Another way is to be on the lookout for ways that you might be able to sacrifice to show others that you love and care about them. We are told that we should love everyone, because everyone is made in the image of God. There is not a single human being that you come into contact with that God didn’t create and God doesn’t love. And sometimes people make things difficult. They make it hard to love them. But so did the people that Jesus loved. And he loved them anyway.

WE

But, could you imagine what the world would look like if we all loved sacrificially? What it would look like in Adam’s county. What it would look like in Ohio. What it would look like in the United States. What it would look like in the world.

Things would be radically different. And well, if I am honest, Jesus was radically different. He was so different that people didn’t know how to react to him, how to quiet him (as the Pharisees wanted to do).

Sometimes, I think we get caught up in the definition of love and misunderstand what love looks like or what it is and say “it is too difficult” “loving EVERYBODY”. And we pick and choose who we love based on who we think deserves our love. But I am so glad Jesus didn’t do that. Because none of us deserved the love that he shared. Only because of his grace and mercy do we get to see his love. Don’t get caught up in the why and who, but instead look for ways to say “I love you.”